I started this day feeling a bit guilty. I was scared ’cause i thought he was going to start avoiding me. He entered the room and didn’t even greet me. I knew he was waiting for me to approach him.. or i think it looked like he did. It was awkward. I felt like shit and thought it was the end of what i thought was a happy term, at least. Then, the unexpected happened.
He got himself involved again. Knowing he cared was all i needed but of course, as cray cray as he was.. he pushed it.
“Gcel, samahan mo na lang ako.”
“Samahan mo na lang ako!”
Thank you for making me feel that feeling again. Kinilig ako! The worst part was that.. i was holding it back. I was trying my best to keep myself from spazzing. It was excruciating ’cause i really wanted to shout because i was too damn happy.
I know that it wasn’t the first time he told me that but this was different and it felt so good.. because everyone heard it, he said it out too loud. I don’t know what drugs he was under but damn.. those drugs were strong. What hit me was that.. this was the same ‘joke’ which changed my whole life, i started to like him.
My closest friend had me read these from her notes:
It was a long time ago since i last felt this way. I thought i was back in high school.
The weird thing was that, after class, he was a bit defensive. It was weird ’cause he was explaining. Maybe he wanted to clear things up but he only made it messy and made himself a bit obvious. He didn’t have to explain, i was going to take it as a joke anyway, even though i was really happy, i must say. The weirdest thing was that, he was walking too fast ahead of me. He even put in his earphones. He was feeling awkward. I could tell.
And on top of that, we’ve been having the weirdest convos. I was using caps lock and he said..
“natatakot ako pag ganyan ka”
He mentioned ‘tradish’ so i was like..
“san mo na pulot yan?”
“sa merville subdivision” (my location in facebook)
“ako nagsabi niyan e.”
It was weird. What’s with the secret? I knew from the first second he mentioned it that it came from me but i was trying dig deeper. I don’t usually get these kinds of convos with my other male friends. His was really.. awkward. Things would always get off topic.