Blush

I started this day feeling a bit guilty. I was scared ’cause i thought he was going to start avoiding me. He entered the room and didn’t even greet me. I knew he was waiting for me to approach him.. or i think it looked like he did. It was awkward. I felt like shit and thought it was the end of what i thought was a happy term, at least. Then, the unexpected happened.

He got himself involved again. Knowing he cared was all i needed but of course, as cray cray as he was.. he pushed it.

“Gcel, samahan mo na lang ako.”

“Ha?”

“Samahan mo na lang ako!”

“Saan?”

“Habang-buhay!”

Thank you for making me feel that feeling again. Kinilig ako! The worst part was that.. i was holding it back. I was trying my best to keep myself from spazzing. It was excruciating ’cause i really wanted to shout because i was too damn happy.

I know that it wasn’t the first time he told me that but this was different and it felt so good.. because everyone heard it, he said it out too loud. I don’t know what drugs he was under but damn.. those drugs were strong. What hit me was that.. this was the same ‘joke’ which changed my whole life, i started to like him.

My closest friend had me read these from her notes:

“Public”

“Out loud”

It was a long time ago since i last felt this way. I thought i was back in high school.

The weird thing was that, after class, he was a bit defensive. It was weird ’cause he was explaining. Maybe he wanted to clear things up but he only made it messy and made himself a bit obvious. He didn’t have to explain, i was going to take it as a joke anyway, even though i was really happy, i must say. The weirdest thing was that, he was walking too fast ahead of me. He even put in his earphones. He was feeling awkward. I could tell.

And on top of that, we’ve been having the weirdest convos. I was using caps lock and he said..

“natatakot ako pag ganyan ka”

“bakit?”

“wala lang”

He mentioned ‘tradish’ so i was like..

“san mo na pulot yan?”

“sa merville subdivision” (my location in facebook)

“kay raffy?”

“hulaan mo.”

“ako nagsabi niyan e.”

It was weird. What’s with the secret? I knew from the first second he mentioned it that it came from me but i was trying dig deeper. I don’t usually get these kinds of convos with my other male friends. His was really.. awkward. Things would always get off topic.

What the

fuck is happening?!

Why did it have to happen again? I knew it was going to lead to that but why did I.. this is irritating. Why did i let another man put his fingers between mine.. through that ‘trick’ again? Am i really this stupid? I slipped my hands off ’cause it was too awkward. I thought i was going to die on the spot.

Not just that.. it happened in front of ‘him’. I’m pretty sure he gave out an awkward smile. I don’t know what’s up but he said “ang landi” i don’t care if it was a joke but what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! If he was upset about something, he should just say so!

On a high

A lot of my friends noticed that i looked really happy these past few weeks. Well, i have been really happy but i don’t know what caused it.

I know who did but i don’t know what did. I’ve been thinking, do i like him? Or do i like him liking me?

I enjoy the feeling of being loved. I enjoy the feeling of so much attention given to me. But do i actually actually like him? Or am i at cloud nine ’cause finally, someone’s interested and is showing it, bravely. “parang umiikot yung mundo niya sa’yo.” my friend said.

So..

About to burst in a sec

What am i feeling feeling for you..

I feel like i am about to burst. Have i really fallen? I never asked for too much attention but why do you have to give me that much and more? I have been thinking about you.. day in and day out. It kills me to know that you’re going. It kills me to know that i won’t be seeing you often.

It is slowly killing me inside.. that these could end in an instant.

But i am happy. You made me so happy for the past few weeks. I feel happy knowing that you’re treating me as the ‘best’, as you have said, “save the best for last” those five words will always remind me of you.

here are the reasons why i fell for you:

1. You have given me so much attention, more than i deserved.

2. You remembered the littlest detail i mentioned or did.

3. You listened when i needed to talk.

4. You made me laugh when you act silly.

5. You did the most stupid things just to call my attention.

6. When i said i was going to get mad at you.. you felt that it was a ‘threat’. You even had a bad mood because of it.

7. …And because you think that i am the ‘best’.

By the time this term ends.. I hope i won’t lose you.

Assumptions are life’s bitter fiction.

i don’t really know how i feel as of the moment.

He is not my type of guy. He is different, really different. He curse a lot and his personality is way too loud. He is not the guy that i would usually go for but maybe i’m just really weird.

Everything changed when my friend told me that it was too obvious.. he likes me. When i asked her how she arrived to that conclusion, she said anyone can tell. She even got shocked that i don’t feel it or even notice anything weird. Assuming was the last thing that i wanted to do. Assumption’s always leaving me hopeful without a resolution but.. i fell. I think i’m not in too deep just yet. It’s just really hard not to fall for someone who is treating you like the world revolves around you. “Lagi ka niyang sinisingit sa usapan.” my friend once told me this. She thought it was weird and unusual for a guy who only sees me as a ‘friend’.

The weirdest thing that he does or says is that he remembers even the littlest detail which i said or posted online. I know for a fact that no guy would pay that much attention to a girl that he doesn’t like. I don’t want to get ahead of myself but it’s really unusual.

I am not gonna lie. I like the attention that he’s giving me but if that day comes.. that he confesses, i might just kill myself on the spot ’cause i wouldn’t know what to do.