Blush

I started this day feeling a bit guilty. I was scared ’cause i thought he was going to start avoiding me. He entered the room and didn’t even greet me. I knew he was waiting for me to approach him.. or i think it looked like he did. It was awkward. I felt like shit and thought it was the end of what i thought was a happy term, at least. Then, the unexpected happened.

He got himself involved again. Knowing he cared was all i needed but of course, as cray cray as he was.. he pushed it.

“Gcel, samahan mo na lang ako.”

“Ha?”

“Samahan mo na lang ako!”

“Saan?”

“Habang-buhay!”

Thank you for making me feel that feeling again. Kinilig ako! The worst part was that.. i was holding it back. I was trying my best to keep myself from spazzing. It was excruciating ’cause i really wanted to shout because i was too damn happy.

I know that it wasn’t the first time he told me that but this was different and it felt so good.. because everyone heard it, he said it out too loud. I don’t know what drugs he was under but damn.. those drugs were strong. What hit me was that.. this was the same ‘joke’ which changed my whole life, i started to like him.

My closest friend had me read these from her notes:

“Public”

“Out loud”

It was a long time ago since i last felt this way. I thought i was back in high school.

The weird thing was that, after class, he was a bit defensive. It was weird ’cause he was explaining. Maybe he wanted to clear things up but he only made it messy and made himself a bit obvious. He didn’t have to explain, i was going to take it as a joke anyway, even though i was really happy, i must say. The weirdest thing was that, he was walking too fast ahead of me. He even put in his earphones. He was feeling awkward. I could tell.

And on top of that, we’ve been having the weirdest convos. I was using caps lock and he said..

“natatakot ako pag ganyan ka”

“bakit?”

“wala lang”

He mentioned ‘tradish’ so i was like..

“san mo na pulot yan?”

“sa merville subdivision” (my location in facebook)

“kay raffy?”

“hulaan mo.”

“ako nagsabi niyan e.”

It was weird. What’s with the secret? I knew from the first second he mentioned it that it came from me but i was trying dig deeper. I don’t usually get these kinds of convos with my other male friends. His was really.. awkward. Things would always get off topic.

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