I got this gift from my friend. He was like, “Oh hey! I have something to give you” just like that.
There is no occasion to celebrate but he got me something. I was like, “What is this? Did you put a caterpillar inside?” i jokingly told him. It was weird, really. Out of nowhere. He gave this to me with no particular reason. I accepted it but i asked him over and over again that if he was serious and shit. I even asked for a pinky promise.
I am not a sucker for gifts but receiving something for no reason is a little.. Koo koo.
Anyway, it’s a clock with no lace and a broken second hand. He told me to buy a necklace for it and got surprised when i pointed out the broken second hand.
Nevertheless, thank you. :)
I’m right here sitting, slouched in front of my laptop resting at our dining table. Yes, I converted our family’s dining table into my very own desktop table.. a VERY BIG desktop table, that is. I’m trying to cheer myself up by listening to Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix. I vaguely know what they’re songs are about but the beats are nice and fun. ‘Chill’ songs.. as others may call them.
A little depressed today but i don’t exactly know why.
I am currently busy writing this blog entry (obviously) when i have two other articles lined up for our org’s newsletter. Just feeling a little too lazy to write them which are due tomorrow, btw. ugh. I hate this. There are reasons why people don’t want to get themselves involved with love.. ’cause it sucks when the game they’re playing is a guessing game and yes, i am so fucking moody right now because of that fucking love! I’ve been clearing my way out of love for the past i-don’t-know-how-long years but heyyyyyy love misses me right now so IT paid me a visit!!!! The only visitor i don’t want to see knocking on my door! fuck. i am so messed up right now. fuck. i am just typing-mumbling right now. I should stop. Feels like i am drunk typing when i’m not even drunk.
That was the most awkward fifteen minutes of my life. I couldn’t utter a word straight up. I mumbled. I stuttered. I over-thought every single word. I couldn’t speak up because i was thinking that every time i spoke, you were not listening.. or was it just me? Ugh. I hated myself.
I missed you so so much but i was not prepared to see you. I was trying to grip my phone but i saw my thumb shaking. Yes, i was that nervous. I had a lot in mind that i wanted to tell you but i choked. I was silent and awkward.
It was hard for me to see you again after a week of squishing my brain analyzing the way you acted. I just couldn’t believe the things that you were saying. I thought you didn’t care but you actually did. It was a relief knowing you cared and tried to find out what happened.
I don’t exactly know how to go on. I don’t know where i’m at.
I’ve been trying to keep myself from talking to you and from updating myself on how you are right now. I’m doing these but i, myself, don’t even know if these were the right steps to take. We’re not exactly on that stage. Damn. We have never been on any stage.
Maybe this is my defense mechanism acting right now. I know deep inside that i won’t be able to absorb whatever the truth is (especially the negative one). I guess i’m just too scared to feel the pain ’cause i know it’ll be harder for me to move on.
I’ll always be reminded of you when i hear them. Tell me how can i move on?
Just as how Backstreet Boy’s song went.. Quit playing games with my heart. Classic. I grew up singing along with this song not understanding what the song meant but now, i do. How i wish i didn’t relate to it ’cause it hurts so bad.
The push-and-pull act is what hurts the most. I want to know what the deal is. I can face the truth with a thick face. I know i can.